A fall without a classroom

For the first time in 20 years, I’m facing a fall without a classroom, without the identity I’ve sheltered in for so long.  There’s a hole at the center of myself, and sense of being adrift.  I still grieve for the person I was and the structure that held my identity in place, but now I sniff at the air, looking for clues—what will I do next?  My whole career, my whole life, has been about pushing myself, improving, achieving.  Finding the one occupational identity that would redeem me, as I somehow needed to be redeemed.  "Who am I?” seemed always linked to “what should I do?” My mind would spin for weeks, months, even years over that question.