Inauguration

Thank God the inauguration went as planned.   I can finally breathe.  Maybe the miasmic air of Trump’s narcissism and delusion is lifting.  Maybe the pandemic is a symptom of our country’s moral corruption, and it will finally lift its knee from our necks.

Afraid for My Country

Pro-Trump rioters storm the capitol.  The cool, calm Judy Woodruff is almost in tears as she reports on it.  I’ve never been so afraid for my country, with half the population mired in delusion.

The Level of Cheer Expected

 12/27/20 

Christmas has been low-key (just the three of us) but hard.  I feel the loss of Joe acutely.  Have to go upstairs and cry at least once a day.  I was just on the verge of getting to know him on a deeper level, as a friend--not just as my sister's husband, not just as an in-law on the fringes of my family of origin. When I was teen, and even long after that, I felt intimidated by him.  Honestly, I was frightened by pretty much all men, had no experience with harmless, benevolent males.  He'd startle me now and then with an off-color joke.  It was a boundary violation, I have to admit, but innocent. Just a clumsy attempt make me laugh. 

My friend says fresh grief stirs up all former losses, and that's how I feel, as if the whole world has turned sad.  I try but cannot rise to the level of cheer the world expects at Christmas.    

A Minimalist Christmas

 12/25/20 

Our Christmas tree is small, with a few strings of red and white lights, and unique ornaments we’ve collected over the years. I call it “minimalist,” and I love it that way. I could’ve done without one altogether, but now I treasure the twinkling lights when dusk falls in late afternoon. I hope they bring some joy to people walking by.

There were only a few presents under the tree on Christmas Day. It seems no one in the extended family had the energy to buy and send gifts. I certainly didn’t. Max was disappointed by the lack of 20- and 50-dollar-bills tucked into greeting cards. No one’s feeling safe enough to be extravagant. But he was exceedingly grateful for the few things he got: a Patrick Mahomes jersey, a UVA sweatshirt, and $150.00 from me for PC components. 

I got F. a card game, a puzzle depicting 25 different donuts, and National Theater of London subscription for streaming plays. He got me earrings, which I like, and that was plenty—I actually discouraged him from trying to do more. I truly prefer minimal gift-giving, get easily overwhelmed by the demands of buying gifts for people who need nothing.