Six Days Out from George Floyd's Murder

Six days out from George Floyd's murder, the police and national guard have the streets more under control--though not fully.  There are still black cars roaming around without license plates.  People are finding containers of gasoline stashed in their alleys and backyards. Someone is posting threatening letters to black families nearby.  People are hearing gunshots.  More copters, more sirens. 

I'm feeling some relief now that the violence seems to have moved away from the Midway area of University Avenue.  It makes me realize how much fear I was feeling.  Max and my husband have taken to locking the porch door as well as the front and back.  They're pulling the storm windows down over the screens.  Max has been staying up till 3 or 4 am to protect our home from thieves, no matter how much I try to reassure him.  Tragedy upon tragedy. Not just for me and my family, but for many, many families around the city.  

I've been furious at God for failing to stop all this!  But then I decided to make a gratitude list:

• I do not have covid.  My husband does not have covid.  My son does not have covid. No one in my family has covid.
• Our home and property were not damaged in the recent violence.
• My husband still has his job, and has even moved into a position with more responsibility and higher pay.  I'm glad this will give him a new challenge to focus on.
• We have plenty of food.  We live in a single-family home.
• We have excellent neighbors, and an app that gives us an easy way to give and receive help.
• I reconnected with my family of origin in the past 8 years and now we are supporting each other.
• We have internet and zoom--multiple ways of connecting in spite of social distancing.  
• My son recently discovered a passion for cooking--miraculously, something he can do at home while he's stuck here anyway.  
• I have time and initiative to seek out friends I've neglected. 
• I have this writing, and a purpose for doing it; I'm submitting it to the Women's History Project, an attempt to document women's voices and experience throughout this pandemic. 
• We have easy access to nature: state parks, protected natural prairies and woods, bike trails, even urban lakes.  Our backyard cherry trees and dogwood and wildflowers are in lush bloom, sweetly scenting the air. 

I'm mad and sad and overwhelmed, but also lucky.  

I ask whatever God there is to give me compassion for those whose basic needs for physical safety, financial security, and fundamental dignity have been thwarted again and again. No wonder some feel they must resort to violence to be heard.